Sweeping Generalizations with Blockhead: Dead Giveaways to Being a Douche bag
Posted on 07/03/2008

Bringing you Blockhead early this week kids, we gotta vacation too ya know.
The tucked in shirt:
Unless you really have to do it because of some sort of dress code, tucking your shirt in is pretty much unacceptable. Especially if said shirt is tucked into khakis.
Hey khaki guy.. cut loose...untuck that shit...and while you're at it, take off those sandals you fucking homo.
Rocking Sketcher Sneakers:
By rocking Sketchers you're basically saying, "I ALMOST don't give a shit about what goes on my feet but I care just enough to go to a Sketchers store and spend money on kicks my mom wouldn't even wear to power jog in."
Ogling EVERY girl on the street:
You ever see guys that lose their shit on the street over any half assed owner of a vagina that passes them? I understand staring at girls on the street. We all do it...but stopping dead in your tracks and doing a 180 turn followed by a sound effect like "daaaaaaaamn" every time any girl on the planet walks by is just ridiculous. What do you do when an actual hot girl walks by? Jerk off on the spot?
Owning a ferrari/lambourgini type car:
They're tiny and the back seat can maybe fit a premature newborn...maybe. So they go fast...it's not like you can ever really drive 195 miles an hour. Save the money and get a dick implant. It's pretty much the same thing.
Being the "Chatty Guy" While Waiting on a Line:
I was on line at the airport to get into Canada a while back. It was long and slow. Right in front of me was bro-ham who couldn't shut his stupid mouth, he was talking to everyone like it was the first day of summer camp. Waiting can be brutal but waiting while listening to some Umbro short wearing cocksucker cracking Borat jokes is pretty much hell cubed. Sadly, I'm sure in some circles this guy is charming...but what's worse then him?
Well, how bout...
Being that Guy's Wing-man/Cheerleader:
Wherever you find the "outgoing talkative" guy, you will find the "quiet dork" who laughs at all of his jokes and thinks he's "Craaazy" (in the coolest way possible). This is the guy who jerks off to the talkative guy's stories of getting pussy and later tries to pass those same stories off as his own when he meets new people.
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Working Out all the Time:
This is more about the body builder types then girls who run on the treadmill. I support that fully. But to the body builders, what's up with that? How fucking ripped do you need to be? What girl likes that? Outside of some jersey shore types, I don't think I've ever met a girl who wanted to bone Lou Ferrigno or Schwarzenegger. It's kinda in the same boat as the Lambourgini owners. It's a cool idea on paper, but when fully executed you're just flying a huge I-have-a-worthless-penis flag.
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Saying the Phrase "Party like a Rockstar":
Way before that fucking awful song existed, I would cringe at the sound of that phrase. It's the worst thing you can say. It's an immediate deal breaker. If I had Jessica Beil, naked in bed, with the tip of my penis in her, and she said that, my dick would shoot back into my body like a scared turtle (i might be exaggerating here...) People who say "Party like a Rockstar" are pretty much the definition of "Douche". Luckily, much like the song, that phrase has subsided over the past year. Unfortunately, motherfuckers have to eat so I don't doubt there will be an equally terrible catch phrase like it coming in the very near future. May I suggest "who let the dogs out?" it's got club banger written all over it.





Comments
right on time
Posted on Tue, 08/19/2008 - 20:15 by: nick bottom (not verified)
i cannot stop laughing man... real chop for sure hahahahahaha
Subjective.
Posted on Fri, 08/01/2008 - 16:30 by: Rix Raw (not verified)
People are different and like different things. I'm also disliking the things you mentioned (well, apart from flip-flops, I think they can be cool), but I've known plenty of women who went for the body builder types. Hell, there are plenty of girls who don't understand what's sexy about extra skinny chicks, the kind of women I happen to fancy.
On the expensive sports cars... if you can afford it, then you probably can afford to have a practical car as well and why not give yourself a nice toy? Also, they're chick magnets, though girls who go for cars, aren't any better than whores on street corners in my opinion.
"Chatty Guy"
Posted on Mon, 07/28/2008 - 00:58 by: BLaM (not verified)
everytime i went to the clink, it was always the chatty guy's fash i wanted to mash in first. Quit asking the fucking guard for a cig, you just got here 10 mins ago, and get off the damn phone, 30 minute limit.
ha ha ha
what about
Posted on Sat, 07/26/2008 - 03:45 by: yes (not verified)
go out shirts or worse, go out shirts tucked in ha.
man sandals/mandals
hair gel
cargo pants/shorts
cross trainers
tribal tattoos, koi fish tattoos, kanji tattooos
gotees ugh or worse, chin straps
man jewelry
you're bad if you wear any of these, but you might be the ultimate douche if you wear even three of these at once.
Do you know me man? It's
Posted on Mon, 07/07/2008 - 20:27 by: RCA of the band STD (not verified)
Do you know me man? It's almost like you described me to a T. I think you forgot to mention, not only tucking in shirts, but that I buy them from the childrens department. Also, if you even so much as graze my elbow, I WILL stare you down and threaten to pummel you into the earth.
Don't let my sculpted abs scare you away, my sweet little Blockhead. I have feelings too. Sometimes I throw on some Ace of Bass, light a Kool, and read the back of my Andro bottle.
It's in this relaxed state, that I just like to kick back and think of all the people I haven't bashed with my fists and wonder how happy they must be to not have accidentally spilled a splash of beer on to my ripped biceps while travesing the landscape of their local dive bar.
Douchebag? I like the sound of that. Is it like a French God or something?
so true. dope.
Posted on Mon, 07/07/2008 - 04:09 by: Yak Ballz (not verified)
so true.
dope.
You should run for
Posted on Sat, 07/05/2008 - 20:03 by: Mr. Pariah (not verified)
You should run for president.
Ha!
Posted on Sat, 07/05/2008 - 19:25 by: Billy blanks (not verified)
Well played MR. Blockhead.
Hilarious.
Posted on Sat, 07/05/2008 - 18:52 by: E (not verified)
Hahahahahahahaha.
truth
Posted on Sat, 07/05/2008 - 17:28 by: Anonymous (not verified)
speaking as an 'actual hot girl' i have to say, you wouldnt believe how bad it gets- much worse than 'ddaaammmnn' and almost as bad as jerking off on the spot.
and for sure... tiny cars and huge muscles are definitely panty-driers.
You pretty much summed up
Posted on Sat, 07/05/2008 - 17:25 by: Onassis (not verified)
You pretty much summed up all douchebags quite well. Except for Italian Goddi Boys and the Guyanese trying to black.