Despot

Ask Despot Everything

defcon — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 17:05:07 -0500

Dear Despot,

how do i become more gutter?

-Makena

In order to become more gutter, one must first become less ungutter. A popular method that worked very well for me is to walk around collecting rainwater and fallen leaves and sticks. You will then become truly attuned to the state of being what we know as gutter. Perhaps have yourself cleaned out periodically as well so you are a superior and high functioning gutter.

I wish you the best of luck.

Peace Despot,

Will the album of the future have any productions by El Producto...and will you be coming around PA? Perhaps philly or b-more areas?...Last question whats playing in your ride.

-POSITIVE ENERGY ACTIVATES CONSTANT ELEVATION

EL and I have spoken in the not so distant past about working together on this album. This hasn't happened yet, but I anticipate that it very well may happen. I might even say yes it will definitely happen? I will say that with a question mark.

I will come to every area. When the time is right. Every single area. There will be no area left untouched once I deem it necessary to begin visiting areas. My ride plays a very distinct whirr and a strange grinding noise I can't quite figure out.

Hello fine sir,

I have a three part question. First, when will we be moved from the proverbial refrigerator to the kitchen table to dine on new deliciously decadent hot droppings you've cooked up? What would you recommend to someone who desires to be a better upstanding def jukie fan? What are the chances of John McCain developing a vicious and ultimately deadly form of stomach cancer during his presidency leaving the world with the McCain complex legacy?

Brandon Walker

First, I am glad you are asking the questions that need to be asked. The hard hitting questions that every rap fan wants to answer to but is far too lazy to answer alone.

Question 1:
a) We have never been in the refrigerator, that just isn't where this all started. I understand your confusion, but it's too cold and cramped in there. We aren't in the refrigerator.

b) That said, we've been at the table this whole time, starving, forks and knives in hand. The true question is; when will mom emerge from the kitchen with that steaming plate of....

c) NOT droppings. You eat droppings? That's fine and everything, but I want no part of it and I will not give you mine to eat, even if you call it "dining" to make it sound all exotic and acceptable.

d) In 2009?

Question 2:
a) A BETTER jux fan? Just stop being sick. Drink some orange juice or take some vitamins. Maybe go see a doctor.

b) An UPSTANDING jux fan? Get off your ass, and when you do get off your ass, stand up straight.

Question 3:

a) During Mccain's presidency in the year 2009 after president-elect obama mysteriously vanishes, vice president elect Joe Buddens returns to his rap career, and voting is abolished therefore putting Mccain in office...My album will be unveiled resulting in the aforementioned deadly stomach cancer and subsequent death of Mccain. Naturally, I will assume the presidency and America will fall under the despotic rule it has always hoped for.

Do you have red hair because your a swashbuckler? Or did you swallow a gold fish?

This is a bit of a sensitive issue, but I'm glad you are forcing me to address it. When I was born, I was very young. My mother explained to me in great detail why I had red hair but I did not understand words or even sounds. I took these words and sounds that she made as a threat as I knew not what else to do with them.

Not knowing that the person I came out of was my mother, as I couldn't understand the mystifying concept of childbirth (or words, or sounds), I began to clutch with all my might a lifelong grudge against my mother. This grudge stemmed from her lack of explanation of my red hair.

At the tender age of none, my mother showed me a goldfish. she said to me, "Despot, I wonder why I have named you Despot. That really isn't a good name for a person but it's more like a title for a ruthless leader." In an attempt to demonstrate my ruthlessness, I swallowed the beautiful and innocent goldfish. My mother was very proud as I had lived up to her name. The name was no longer a stupid name for her son.

Following this incident, my mother would parade me around in an extravagantly adorned carriage. She would stop people on the street and make them bow to me. She would say to them, "behold Despot, son of Sophia and Fire." I would laugh at them as they bowed. My laugh sounded like that of an old man who had been a king for hundreds and hundreds of years and was immortal. This impressed people.

One day it was very dark outside. I handed a letter written in the blood of a goldfish to a troupe of young naked girls. The letter read:

Dearest young naked girls,

You are so young and naked and I admire your nudity. Please push me around in my carriage on this day and I will be forever indebted to you.

Threateningly,
Despot

The young and naked girls of course were up to the task. Off we went in my carriage into the rolling hills of forest hills, queens. Some measure of time into our stroll (I cannot tell the exact measure of time as I did not yet understand time), we were stopped by a strapping young swashbuckler. The swashbuckler spoke:

"Young naked girls. How dare you waste your youth and nudity on this hump in a fancy carriage. Come away with me and I will show you untold riches and a bigger penis than that of a baby."

I became enraged at his words although I did not understand a single one of them. The young naked girls, having been very attuned to my moods and their constant state of flux, handed me a scabbard which held the sharpest and most goldenest sword in the land. I lopped the slick talking buffoon's head off with one fell swoop. I would later find that this buffoon had been my very own son.

Video Vindication

defcon — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 18:03:21 -0500

With Islands

Upcoming Shows this Week - Despot Tonight, Yak Ballz Thursday, Chin Chin and Cage on Friday

defcon — Mon, 8 Dec 2008 18:39:48 -0500

Lots of GREAT shows this week!

Tonight catch Despot and friends rock all three levels of the Knitting Factory....

(Check above flyer)

Thursday Check out Yak Ballz in MA, Flyer below ...

Friday will see Chin Chin play with Antipop at the Knitting Factory, Details here (more to come), and Cage in Connecticut.

The Daily Jux For November 10th

defcon — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 17:59:09 -0500

Chin Chin at Webster Tonight, Lif gets interviewed, Junk Science in Brooklyn?

TONIGHT at the Studio in Webster Hall Chin Chin plays a show at 9:45!! Details are Here, prepare for the ultimate monday night dance party!

Despot played with Islands this weekend in Prefix has the details, and the pictures to prove they were there first.

Our favorite DC blogger got up with Mr. Lif while he was in town post Obama victory Check it;

I only did one song on it. Willie Evans Jr. did two songs on it, he’s an up and coming producer from Florida - he did two songs, the title track I Heard It Today, and Dawn. Therapy produced Head High, and an interlude called People’s News Network. Edan - he produced Get Life and Heavy Artillery. He has an album out called Beauty and the Beat. J-Zone did Gunfight, etc. One thing that was great was I incorporated producers as good as other guys making all kinds of noise. When peeps hear this record they’ll feel that its on par with my previous works… these guys will get some light, ’cause they deserve it. ...

And Finally Junk Science has announced the first of a few upcoming Brooklyn dates, this one is on November 20th at Southpaw... more on that to come.

Vintage Video Vindication

defcon — Mon, 8 Sep 2008 15:02:06 -0400

Thanks to Despot.

The Daily Jux for Wednesday August 27th

defcon — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 18:08:53 -0400

Jukies!!

Today we bring you news of the NY Scribble Jam preliminary winners!! Thanks everyone who came out last night, Junk Science ripped it up and Blockhead made some tough desicions.

Annnnd the winners are...

In the category of MC : Storyville

In the category of Producer: Drips

Also thannnk you Duluth for packing the house. Look out california September brings you more Aesop dates!! Speaking of, we got another great interview with the man for you reading pleasure, hang in there for the hamster story...

Finally, Prefix Mag, as seen in the video accompanying this post, video documented Despot singing this weekend with Islands, well he is rapping .. but some singing is surely done.

Ask Despot Anything

defcon — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 16:38:52 -0400

Despot 'answers' a myriad of your most pressing questions. If you want Despot to answer YOUR question please send it to defcon@definitivejux.net, using 'ask despot anything' in the subject line.

Miguel asks: -Will you ever do any left coast touring?
-Will this be the year that you realease a full cd?
-Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot, he himself could not eat it?
Despot: Miguel, I am glad you are asking the hard hitting questions that need to be asked. First, yes I will. In fact, I just did some and now I am back on the right coast. -By this I mean the correct coast. -By this I mean whichever coast I am on at any given moment. Second, I bet it will be; except I wouldn't bet on that. It is not easy thinking of entertaining ways to tell you to like me over and over and over again. Third, shouldn't we take this philosophical and religious query one step further and ask if said burrito would be god? Shouldn't we then answer with yes? If we are answering shouldn't we take that question mark off the end? a box within a box within a box.

Duncan Jewett aka Rich Chinaman asks: Howdy, Spot As a post-apocalyptic artist in such a chaotic time, do you hold any definitive beliefs of our soon to be future as a culture?Are you familiar with the Mayan prophecy of the year 2012?
(Also, I realize that 'Chinaman' is not the preferred nomenclature.)
Despot: I didn't know I was a post-apocalyptic artist. Let me begin by congratulating myself (and presumably you) for surviving the apocalypse that we have always heard so much about. Now that we are quite possibly the only two people left on this earth, I will answer your questions. I definitively believe that our future as a culture is me. Considering that it has to be either me or you, I'm going to say it's me. Moving forward, I am familiar with said prophecy. All of the bees are dying. It will come to pass. BUT! It doesn't matter. Because if we already survived one apocalypse what's one more apocalypse? Just me and you, rich oriental man. just me and you. Like two brave cockroaches.

K. Aadil asks: When's the album coming or any new material for that matter?
Despot: I am glad you asked this question. The album, I'm not sure. New material, I have heard talk of Polartec producing something even MORE groundbreaking than fleece in the coming years. Remember when fleece was invented? insulated clothing hasn't been the same ever since. I'm on the edge of my seat.

Jsbalbanese asks:
Mr. Despot,
Two questions:
Why haven't you dropped your album yet? You told us thrice it would be done
already!
and
Why the fuck can't I find a job? Despot: I could make the obligatory joke here about how, if I dropped it, I might break it. So that's why I didn't do it. What I mean by didn't do it is make that joke AND drop my album. Even though I sort of made that joke. Does that mean I sort of dropped my album? Perhaps you can find a job finding out what I am trying to say here.

William Battle asks:
Despot, its been a long time when is your album going to come out?
Despot: I am glad you asked this question. This question has never been asked before in quite this manner. I would like to formally thank you for asking this way before I answer.

Druggalo asks:
What advice can you give on tuning into reptilian frequencies?
Despot: You have unwittingly answered your own question with the ad attached to the bottom of your email. "Wondering what's for Dinner Tonight? Get new twists on family favorites at AOL Food." The secret is AOL Food.

'Greasy' Grant Oddoye asks:
Dear Despot,
If you had to match a different planet in the solar system to each of the Def Jux members - in terms of their astrological significance and characteristics - which planets would be matched to which members, and why? Despot: Grant, there are only 8 planets in the solar system now. I am sure you are aware of that. What you are asking me to do here is neglect a handful of my friends and colleagues when I run out of planets to liken them to. This would be a great insult to your parents. Thank you for your question.

James Moening asks:
If asked to choose between making peace with yourself and living in seclusion or living with others at the expense of peace, what should one choose? Despot: Look man, when your roommates leave a whole bunch of dirty dishes in the sink it's not the end of the world. If it really bothers you that much just clean them yourself.

Chris Schammert:
Alright so I've been looking for a pet. You know, something to keep guard of the house and protect my young. I've checked out all kinds of dogs and guinea pigs and none of them really clicked. Then I got to thinking, I heard you all have a ton of alligators underneath the city. Is it possible to email me one in an attachment, I'm talking somewhere between ten and twenty feet in length. Or maybe in a fax? Either way is good for me, let me know.
- Leroy
Despot:
Dearest Leroy, your name is Chris. Now that we've powered through that iron curtain, I will answer your question. It is indeed common knowledge that our sewers are overrun with alligators. And shit. Alligator shit. Do you use gmail? I use gmail. They limit your attachment size to five feet last I checked. My parents have a fax machine. I'll get back to you.

Patrick Brogan asks:
Are vegetarians allowed suckle ice sculptures shaped as ducks or is that considered taboo?
'Keep your kids safer online with Windows Live Family Safety. Help protect your kids.' Despot: Please don't tell me what to do with my kids, Patrick.

Ben asks:
Why do you always scream my name (ben) when i see you ?
Despot:
BEN!!

The Daily Jux For Monday July 21st

defcon — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 18:26:53 -0400

A new week begins...

....and Dizzee's US tour is well underway. Tonight he took on Austin Texas and tomorrow he books it to Denver. So far so good, as the critics at the Chicago Pitchfork festival might tell you. Just ask our friend's over at Time out Chicago, Stereogum, and the Chicagoist. Be sure to check Dizzee's tour dates and catch the dirty rascal while you still can.

Other weekend happenings include;

-The announcement of a big Mighty Underdogs Tour, more on that tomorrow.

-El gets some religion.

-And Aesop gears up for his big round up US tour, before the recording of his new album, and announces his openers.

-Finally check out Yak Ballz and Aesop on an Amplive remix of The Tokyo Police club's 'Baskervilles'. - its worth every second of the loading time.

This week will bring you blog features from Despot, Yak Ballz, and Mike Tumbarello from Junk Science. Not to mention the regulars.

As for the guy with the tattooed hands... we have no words.

The Daily Jux for Friday June 20th

defcon — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 19:28:18 -0400

Summer is here!

Tomorrow is the first official day of summer and thats good news for dudes everywhere, summer weather means less clothing. However ladies, that doesn't mean you shouldn't be choosey about whatever minimal threads that you do decide to rock. Mass Appeal recently ran a photo shoot of some very picky scantily clad women in a collection of rare vintage polo owned by none other than our very own Despot. Smart crew has the scoop.

And for those of you that missed the Scumstravaganza last weekend, which featured music Chin Chin, Activator, and Junk Science, here is a video recap thanks to Trevz:

The Daily Jux for Thursday June 19th

defcon — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 20:05:22 -0400

Tis Thursday!

Its been a big week for hip hop. Congrads to Lil Wayne on his breathing of life into a dying industry, we don't know what it is about him but it probably has something to do with the facial tattoos and a very public addiction to cough syrup. We too have had a big week over here with new tour dates from Chin Chin, Aesop Rock (with more to come), and Dizzee's second round in the US growing ever nearer it's shaping up to be quite the summer.

In other Jukie news, Despot capped off his Islands tour with a special guest appearance by Aesop Rock, who DJed the show on an stool/ipod rig. As you can see in this photo it was the beginning of a new chapter in Aesop's artistry, we look forward to the progressive development of this hidden talent. It has been brought to our attention (thanks to Mike) that Kanye West has made mention of both Dizzee Rascal and Del tha Funkee on his blog. Thanks Yeezy we appreciate your carefully exfoliated ears to the ground, no really we do.

Finally we hope Kanye and Co. get a load of this, its Stronger, Fitter, Funkeeer... is that how that goes?